im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
