Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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