that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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