we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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