You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The air was thick with penises
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
