I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
