My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
