I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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