I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
