you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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