Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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