you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
