I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
