Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
