my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
