i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think people are normalizing furries
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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