Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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