I just saw a hot homeless man
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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