I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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