Betty ford says i'm here all night
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
