I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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