if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
