my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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