is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
