im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My vagina is very pro this idea
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
