I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
