im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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