the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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