Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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