what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
