I faked an abortion last night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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