i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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