i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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