problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
