you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
