Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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