im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
