We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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