I am spending my child support on dildos
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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