Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
