Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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