i permit you to call me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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