You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
