So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
