I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
