I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
