so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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