i wish my penis had a tongue
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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