tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
