If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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