saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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